The end of the school year...

is always one filled with mixed feelings.  This year is no different.  It has been a long year.  First on my mind is a feeling of triumph...I lived through the year.  I used to say that in a "tongue-in-cheek" manner--every school year seems like an uphill battle.  This year, it has a whole new meaning.  Not only did I survive two heart attacks, I came out of it a much healthier person in the long run.  I know my body much better than I did before.  Even my cardiologist has praised me for understanding my condition and how to manage it.  He has pushed the limits of my body and medication, with the confidence that I know my body best and that I understand how the medications work, and how to use them to my advantage.  And...with some wonderful encouragement to lessen the load on my heart as much as possible, I am almost 20 pounds lighter than I was just 5 months ago (I have one more pound to hit the 20 lb milestone, and another 13 to hit the doctor's goal for me).

The class has made nice gains this year as well.  Watching videos of some of my "babies" yesterday, seeing how much they have grown, reflecting on the strides they have made this year, brought chills.  No matter how well they do, I still will always feel like I am not doing as much as I can for them, and will continue to strive for making their education the best it can be. 

My boys are growing into young men.  Jake has found his place as a certified "band geek".  I am loving the experience of being the band mom, chaperoning and supporting him, his band mates, and the directors.  Josh has continued to play ball, rolling from one season into another.  Both boys are still excel at soccer.  They are learning how to be responsible for themselves and their actions.  Jake especially has found out that he is brave enough to face the really hard stuff, and the pain that doing the right thing can bring.  I am so proud of both of them.

I am not sure who is more excited about the end of the school year, the boys or me, LOL!  We all definately have our eyes on summer.  I am working summer school, studying along side other National Board Certified Teachers, and attending my *gulp* 20 year high school reunion.  Jake will be attending Illinois Summer Youth Music camp at the University of Illinois.  Josh is enjoying a 2 week break before AAU basketball starts up again. 

Recently, I have taken to reading through quote sites, finding eloquent words to express the feelings inside me.  This one seems to wrap up the school year:

“If the school sends out children with a desire for knowledge and some idea of how to acquire and use it, it will have done its work”--Richard Livingstone

Happy Summer!

The sun is shining...

And it has been a good weekend.  I am feeling good, with very few episodes of chest pain since my last hospital stay (April 7-8).  I am going in on Tuesday to finally address my hearing issues, and need to get contact with my orthopedic surgeon about an "oil change" on my right knee (more lubricating shots will be in order soon).  But, all of those things are only hiccups, and they can be fixed :)

Josh's first overnight basketball tournament in this weekend in the Chicago area.  On the way up, I had a chance to catch up with a dear friend who I miss having in my daily life, and did a little shopping.  Though, it was more just walking than shopping.  The people watching at the mall was good too ;)

Last night, both the 6th and 7th grade teams won!  Josh had 6 points, as a result of 2-three point shots.  I think that wrist has healed. 

Jake's concert band made it to Superstate, meaning that in May he will be performing at Krannert in the Great Hall.  I cannot wait to see them perform in that venue.  They will look so small in that big auditorium.  Tuesday they are having all day clinics to prepare. 

A happy, proud momma sits here, enjoying the sunshine, with a smile on my face.

Josh's first 3-pointer of the night

and the second....

Happy Easter!

What an incredible morning!  The sun is shining, my tummy is full from a yummy lunch (if I do say so myself), and I got to spend my morning praising Jesus.  Life is good!

I thought I would have some pictures today from church to share--but my little photographer does not exactly seem to know what the word "focus" means ;)  Either way, it was a glorious service, full of praise music and a great message--"Jesus didn't need Peter to die for him; Peter needed Jesus to die for HIM." -Randy Boltinghouse.  Are we ready to let Jesus break our chains of the past and move forward--serving His people along the way?

Never fails, leaving a service like that, I have to examine my life and how I am spending it.  So...some contemplating things today.

Also, some rest is in order.  I was able to do my part in serving this morning by interpreting the service, as I do on a very regular basis.  Interpreting something that high energy is a good cardio workout.  I can proudly say that I got through an hour and a half, in addition to over an hour of rehearsal, without problems.  However, why I ever thought it was a good idea to interpret that much, then come home to peel potatoes is beyond me ;)

Happy Easter everyone!  He is Risen....He is Risen indeed!

Basketball in the spring...

One of the signs of spring is heading the thump, thump, thump of Josh's basketball out front.  The first thing to be done in terms of outside "maintenance" in the spring at our house is DH hauling the basketball hoop out to the street.  I remember that on the back patio of the old house, lowered as far as it would go, and little Josh spending hours shooting hoops. 
Now, it is set at regulation height.  Josh is no longer little--he recently measured in at 5'4"...only one inch shorter than me.  And his practice is no longer random shooting for fun.  It is scheduled, regimented, intentional practice to help improve his game. 

He finished out the last season in middle school basketball, his team loosing in the first game of the regionals. The broken wrist really impacted the season, long after the cast was off.  He was timid on the court, shying away from physical contact and driving to the hoop.  Then, seeing his teammate receive a life-altering injury on the court made him even more timid. 

So, after the season was over, he enrolled in a local training facility for an Athleticism class, with the goal of increasing confidence, endurance, and strength.  His birthday brought a weight system to allow him to continue practicing what he had learned once class was over.  Now, in the midst of March Madness, he has joined an AAU basketball team that will go into the summer.  AAU is the Amateur Athletic Union, http://www.aauboysbasketball.org/ .  Their first game was last night.  They won 62-34, which was very impressive.  Even more impressive, however, was how well the team played--quick, accurate passes, communicating, and overall good athleticism. 

And....Josh looked good out there.  He was in the game, in the mix, passing, dribbling and shooting.  He didn't look scared or timid any more.  He looked....ready.  Game on.

It has been a while

I haven't updated in so long because I have been busy living life.  A few calls to the doctor here, an office visit there, and I am still here.  It has been three months...three long months.  I have learned more about coronary artery spasms than I ever thought I would need to.  I follow my blood pressure daily.  I take more meds than I am honestly comfortable with.  I have memorized the list, the dosages, the purposes of each, and the side effects as well.  I carry nitroglycerine with me at all times, and use it more than I would like to admit.  I have finally come to accept the fact that this is my life.  My "new normal", as the nurse puts it.  The doctor had me on the highest dose of meds that he felt was appropriate, then he increased them by 50%, with the statement, "You are one of my most intelligent patients.  You know what these meds will do to you.  You know your body and what to watch for.  Try this dose for a week and let me know how it goes." 

That made me stop and think.  Who is running the show here?  For the last three months, my chest pain and medications have been in charge.  I have been a slave to both.  But I cannot continue to really "live" unless I get back in control.  Prinzmetal’s angina, you are not the boss of me.  I am the boss of you! 

No, that does not mean I don't follow my doctor's recommendations.  No, that does not mean I don't still have chest pain.  No, it does not mean that I am "better".  I will never be "better".  There is no cure.  But I will manage this, it will not manage me. 

Now, I am not so into my newly-found position as "boss of me" to forget who really is in charge.  God had a plan that night, and clearly He thinks my work here is not done, because I am still here.  So, now to continue the work I have begun, and pay attention to His gentle nudges as to what else this life will hold for me. 

On my many times in the car today, to go to the many places my busy life takes me, I heard the song "A More Beautiful You" by Jonny Diaz twice.  I have liked this song since its release, and have heard it probably hundreds of times (I should check my iPod account).  Today though, a few of the lyrics hit me hard.  "You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do/ So there could never be a more beautiful you."  I was made to fill a purpose...yes, I was.  And God decided to that I am not done fulfilling that purpose, so I continue to live.  And that's what I plan to do....live.  Upcoming posts will again be about kids, church, school, life....

For those interested, here is a link to Jonny's song....
Jonny Diaz- A More Beautiful You

And here are links to a couple of interesting (yawn...) articles on my condition....

http://www.hearthealthywomen.org/index.php?view=article&id=74&Itemid=1&option=com_content

http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/000159.htm


Now....back to regularly scheduled programming.....

again?

Well, last week I made it through 3 FULL days of work. Thursday was a busy day....work, then the last home game of the season. After the game and 2 hours in the consession stand, I got home, exhausted! About 8 pm, the chest pain started. Clearly, my 12 hour day had been too much. I slept restlessly off and on all night.

I woke Friday with continued chest pain. I had hoped (ok, I was grasping at straws) that getting on with my day would make things settle in. Let the meds work, and I'd be fine. Ummmm...yeah....no. After a 9:00 am call to Dr. Heaven's office, DH was whisking me again to the ER. Ugh.

I was in the ER for 8 long hours as they tried to find me a bed in an already-at-capacity hospital. Blood enzymes were "fine", meaning no heart attack. So, after a LONG day, and increased meds, I was sent home. Saturday was dicey--the migraines were pretty rough. I was in and out of bed all day.

Sunday was my birthday. I managed to avoid headaches for the most part. I enjoyed church and lunch out before hitting the couch to rest.

Monday--more chest pain. Dr. Heaven decides to increase the meds--again. So, today I start a dose that is 4 times what last Thursday's dose was. Waiting to see what that means in terms of migraines. I am going to work--hoping for the best, but prepared for the worst. Pray for me.

Hospital Pictures

Some pictures that Josh took while I was in the hospital in Bloomington--I guarantee that I am looking quite a bit better than this these days ;)

Living life.....

As I mentioned before, I am supposed to just "live" for the next few weeks and see how my body reacts. So....I am living. Going to work. Going to the grocery store. Running the boys to and from practice. Making dinner. Living.

And.....it's hard. Going to church this morning was absolutely exhausting. And the upcoming week frightens me. Lots going on and I don't want to miss any of the important stuff. Like teaching my students. Going to Josh's games. Feeding the family. Listening to Jake practice his piece for contest. Spending time with them. But, after all of the "have-to's" are over, there is no energy left for the "want-to's". Like today--DH and the boys went to his mom's for her birthday party. I stayed behind to rest, rather than spend a rare day with DH and the boys. Hopefully, in time, the stamina to do more than "live life" will return.

In the meantime, I will try to make the energy I have count. Use it for what is important.

Back in the saddle (and I didn't fall out, yet..)

I made it through my first morning at work :) My kiddos seemed glad to have me back, as did the staff. I had NO idea how tired I would be! I came home after a half day and slept hard for an hour and a half, waking to pick up Jake from school and rush to Josh's game across town. (Not going to write much about the game, since they lost and the gym was crowded, hot and smelly.)

The headaches are much more managable--Praise God! So, things are looking up somewhat :) I stay on this dose of the meds until I see Dr. Heaven the cardiologist on February 2nd. I spoke with the nurses in his office, and I am just supposed to "live life"--go to work, go to the grocery store, run the kids all over town....but avoid things like shoveling snow, doing a lot of stairs, carrying heavy loads, etc. until we see how my heart is responding to "life".

So....I am heading out....to "live life".

An update....

Soooo.....one hospital stay wasn't enough. I had to check out the accommodations here in town, too! Wednesday, January 6th, I was planning on visit school, have lunch with friends, and take in a Tiger's basketball game. But, chest pains put a kink in that plan. After a few calls to doctor's offices, it was decided I should head to the ER. The boys were at school, and Ken was off, so he took me to Carle. As soon as I said the words "chest pain" and "recent heart attack", I was in a wheelchair, being whisked to a treatment room. The EKG was "abnormal", which was a change from the ones done in Bloomington (they had all been "normal"). After three nurses, 5 needles, and 4 blown veins, I had an IV. They treated my chest pain with oxygen and morphine and was told I was being admitted. Since pouting did no good, I tried to get comfortable while Ken grabbed some lunch. A friend who worked at the hospital stopped by the ER to see me, and noticed that my arm (where the IV was) was covered in hives. We called the nurses, who determined the morphine had irritated my veins. After a bit, I was moved to a room on the Telemetry Floor, into the the hands of the heaven-sent Nurse Angel.

Nurse Angel got me settled, as I urged Ken to head out to the basketball game. The doctors came in and out, trying to make decisions on how to proceed. The intervention cardiologist and the cardiologist overseeing my care decided that they wanted to do an immediate cardiac cath. Immediate means.....when they get the team ready and all of the blood tests are done ;) The test that held them up? A pregnancy test, LOL! My dear friend Tina came to sit with me while I waited for the cath. One of the techs came in and told me, "If you can assure me you have not been attacked by some vicious sperm, we'll go ahead with the cath." After my assurance, they wheeled me off, Tina and I giggling the whole way.

In the cath lab, I'd like to tell ya I know everything that went on. I was awake for what I believed to be the whole thing. Truth is, Versed is good stuff, and if I was awake, I don't remember much. But, the good news is (here is where God really showed up), my heart started to go into another heart attack. Yes, that is good news! That means the doctors actually saw what was going on, and they were able to stop it, and learn from it.

So, here's the scoop. I have a condition (no idea if it has a name) that causes my vessels to constrict. What was happening in my heart is that the vessels were kinking, like one would kink off a hose, completely cutting off the blood supply to the heart, causing a heart attack. When it happened in the cath lab, they shot some nitro in through the cath, and it opened up immediately, showing the doctors that I would respond to that medication. They said my arteries were "pristine"--that, if there was a 50% blockage as the hospital in Bloomington had found, it was no longer there (probably had broken loose and "digested" by the body).

Now, for the treatment--sigh--the hard part. I have to be on medication for a LONG time to prevent this form happening again. The medication (named Imdur, in case you want to look it up) keeps the vessels from constricting. Here is where my migraine medication (Imitrex) comes in. It is a vessel dilator, which makes my condition worse. The Imdur will actually cause migraines, until my body gets used to it. My first dose, given on Thursday, made me want to crawl out of my skin!! The headache was soooo awful, and there was not much that could be used to treat the pain. They tried morphine again, though Nurse Angel was cautious, after my reaction in the ER. Not more than 2 cc's were in, and the hives began. Allergic reactions garner a quick response by a lot of people, in this case 4 nurses and 1 doctor! After some meds to fight the reaction, I was back to my agony once again.

They fought the migraine throughout the night, with packing my head in ice, IV meds, until it finally subsided. The doctor decided to keep me in the hospital an extra day, keep me on the heart monitors, and skip the next dose to let me rest. I slept on and off most of Friday. They gave me more meds to continue to treat the migraines, but there was a problem with the IV. It had infiltrated, so essentially it most of the migraine meds had been pumping into my muscle, and it wasn't until the meds began to soak my bed that the nurse noted a problem. (Nurse Angel had the day off, and I missed her immensely). After blowing another 3 veins trying to get a working IV, they put in a "midline" which was described as "essentially a central line" into my upper arm, and I was a happy camper. Meds can be given through it, and blood taken from it. No more sticks!

Saturday, I was up, showered, dressed, and pacing the halls. About 10 am, Nurse Angel gave me a half-dose of Imdur, intending to let me "hang out" until noon, to see if a headache would develop. At noon, the pain was minimal, and I was sent home. I rested, feeling he headache mounting. The boys were invited to a friend's house for an overnight, which was a reprieve, since the pain had gotten out of control. About 7:30 p.m. Ken took me to Convenient Care, since I was miserable. The doctor there reluctantly agreed to give me shots to fight the migraine, stating that I would need to talk to my doctor before any more would be given. Shots on board, I finally was able to sleep.

Sunday, I put a lot of thought into my situation. I devised a plan to get my body used to the Imdur, hopefully without losing my mind. Imdur is supposed to be taken in the morning, and will last 18 hours, with the remaining 6 hours (while you're sleeping) giving your body a break so it does not develop a resistance to the drug. I decided to start taking it in the evening, and beg the doctor for a sleep aid to help me sleep through the pain. Each night, I take the medication a little earlier. So far, my plan is working. From the information I have been able to find, it takes about 2 weeks for the body to adjust. My fingers are crossed, and my prayers are continuously being sent up that this process will work.

In the mean time, I am working a couple half days this week, see the cardiologist on Monday, then hope I will be fully "back in the saddle" on Tuesday, back in my classroom, where I belong!

New Year's Eve...or how NOT to ring in the New Year

So, once I came back from the cath lab, I was worn out and ready to sleep. I dozed on and off throughout the day. Ken left to head back to Urbana to collect the kids and some supplies for a couple of days. Until this point, I had held it together pretty well. But, once Ken left, I broke down for the first time. I felt entitled to a few tears, and indulged. The doctor came in while I was crying, and agreed to another dose of Adavan to prepare me for the arrival of the kids and my parents, who were making the two hour drive. The Adavan and the extreme fatigue lead me to sleep most of the day, unfortunately missing much of my parents' (and brother's) visit.

I was glad to be allowed to eat, though. I hadn't eaten since the popcorn at the game on Wednesday afternoon--was that really just yesterday?? So much had happened, it seemed impossible that several days had not past.

Ken and the boys secured a hotel room for the night. They left to have dinner and swim for a while. I was awake throughout the evening--watching TV and indulging in a shower. The nurse stopped my IV meds, but left the ports in, just in case. They also switched me to a portable monitor, which meant I could get to the bathroom with little trouble (though I won't say little effort, because, at this point, EVERYTHING took effort). The shower was wonderful. The nurse changed my bedding, and I slipped in between fresh sheet and watched TV the rest of the evening. About 10:30, I turned off the TV and lights, forgetting that it was New Year's Eve, banking on the nurse's promise not to bother me unless it was absolutely necessary. I slept hard, not even remembering being roused to take some meds at midnight.

Yes, Virginia, it really was a heart attack...

Well, actually, it was 2 heart attacks. Let me start at the beginning.....


Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday (Dec 28-30) was the Epiphany Tournament in Normal, IL, for Josh's basketball team. Monday night's game was a win, Tuesday's was a loss, which meant Wednesday's game was a competition for third place. Josh headed over early with the team on the bus, and Jake and I followed a little while later. Honestly, I was in a bit of a lethargic, grumpy mood that morning, and wished I could have stayed home. But, there was no good reason for me to miss Josh's game, so, like a good mom, I herded Jake into the car and headed to Normal. Not knowing the team's after-game plans, I had promised Josh I would take him to Avanti's after the games.


Jake and I arrived, and the game started out well. I was glad to see some of the boys on the court who hadn't got much playing time. In the third quarter, one of the boys was on a fast break, but the ball was batted away by the opponent, bouncing in front of him. He jumped and came down on ball, and the "snap" silenced the gym. The poor kiddo just laid there, unmoving. Seconds later, everyone realized the gravity of the situation, and stopped the game, called 911, and asked if there was a doctor in the building. I couldn't fight my mom instinct any longer, and headed over to the bench, since all of the coaches were on the floor with the injured boy. As I scanned the bench for Josh's face, I caught him looking at me, with a face as pale as his white home jersey. I mouthed the words "are you ok?" and he shook his head. I sent him into the locker room to splash water on his face and collect himself. I told a teammate to go with him, in case he happened to need assistance, all the while smiling inwardly...thinking that Josh does take after me in some ways, how he was hurting for his teammate.


Time seemed to drag on as we all waited for the ambulance. The PA announcer asked that the owner of the tan Toyota Camry please move their car, as it may be in the way of the ambulance's exit. Dang it! My car! I ran, probably faster than I have in a long time, to the parking lot and moved the car. As I was heading into the gym, the ambulance arrived, and the young man was whisked off to the hospital, accompanied by the 8th grade coach's wife.


I settled in to watch the rest of the game, smiling at Jake while he played with another younger brother from the team. The thought that kept popping in my head was, "I feel so bad for him, but I am so glad that it was not my son who was hurt. Does that make me a terrible person for thanking God for my son being whole?" The Tigers finished out the final quarter, winning the game, shouting their injured teammate's name in their celebratory chants.


During the game, a plan had come together to take to boys to a local pizza place to celebrate after the 8th grade game. My heart was hurting for the young man in the hospital, and in an attempt to find a way I could help, I decided to head over to the hospital to see what I could do. I mentioned it to Shelley, another mom. She volunteered to ride along, arranging with her husband for Jake to stay with him through the game, agreeing to meet up when the game was finished. Shelley and I headed to the hospital, not far from the school.


As we pulled into the hospital parking lot, I started to notice a pain in my chest, along the left side of my sternum. I knew my blood pressure had to be high--adrenaline was pounding through my veins. I figured I was just having a bit of a panic attack, wishing I had something with me to take to calm myself down. Forging ahead, we located the emergency department and found the young man's room.


The coach's wife was alone in the room, as he had been taken to xray. I plopped in the chair, feeling nauseous and sweaty. I pulled off my sweatshirt, not caring that I was left sitting in a camisole in front of people I barely knew. I pulled the garbage can closer, sure I was about to lose my cookies...again, not caring who was watching. Coach's wife began to fan me, then Shelley put a cold towel on the back of my neck. I asked a tech standing outside the room to take my blood pressure. It was 157/103. Yikes! Soon, as I was trying to laugh off my symptoms, the young man's mother called, and Shelley went out to meet them. A few minutes later, Shelley called my cell phone and asked me to head out where we had come in to look for his mother. I wandered out to the waiting area. I sat down, a bit disoriented. I pulled out my phone to call my doctor, then realized that was silly. I was in a hospital! So, instead, I called Ken, told him what was going on, and that I was going to have the ER doctors look me over. I stumbled into the triage office, and explained what was going on. They signed me in and placed me in a room 2 doors down from our player's room.


When I got in the room, the nurse tossed me a gown and told me to change. I put on the gown and laid on the bed....alone. Soon, Shelley walked down the hall and spotted me laying there. I explained that I had decided to get looked at, and she was shocked that I had not been seen yet. She was politely assertive with the staff, requesting that I be seen by someone. They took their time before they checked my vitals, drew blood, and ordered an EKG due to the chest pain. The doctor described the results of the EKG as "O.K." without a lot of enthusiasm. I asked what comes next. He explained that unexplained chest pain would probably earn me an overnight stay. I called Ken and asked him to come over, knowing that he would have to find someone to cover him at work. Shelley, Jackie (the coach's wife) and I joked and told stories, keeping the atmosphere light, all the while trying to find out more about our player down the hall. Turns out, the poor kiddo broke his femur, and decisions were being made about where he should be transferred to and how they would move him. Jackie ran out to the pizza place where the team was to grab dinner for his family.


Once she returned, again, the three of us chatted, waiting for time to pass. Not long after, the doctor returned and said, "According to the blood tests, you are having an heart attack". I think I looked at him like he had 2 heads, because that just couldn't be. He said that they were going to put me on nitroglycerin, aspirin, and oxygen. Shelley inched closer to my bed, and grasped my hand, which was exactly what I needed at that time. Soon after, the room got more active as the nurses got things moving. By this time, the pain had somewhat subsided, but I do think I was somewhat in shock, so that may be part of why I was so calm.


I asked Shelley to call Ken, and ask how far out he was, but not to tell him anything yet. I didn't want him to get that kind of news while he was on the road. I also asked that her husband take the kids to eat with the team, then bring my kids to me at the hospital. He was under strict instructions not to tell them I was sick, so they wouldn't worry. I really wanted them to enjoy the celebration.

In the meantime, the nurse had put me on oxygen and nitro and given me an aspirin. The head of the cardiology department was called in, and he arrived quickly, in his sweats :) He and the ER doctor volleyed ideas back and forth, considering what was going on and my lack of risk factors. They decided to do a chest xray and chest CT to check for clots in the lungs. Before those were done, Ken arrived, and I broke the news to him. Shortly after, the boys arrived, surprised to see me in the bed. The ER doctor came in and talked to them, letting them know I was sick, but would be ok. After some discussion, it was decided that the boys would go home with Shelley and her family, Ken would stay with me, and we would check out the situation in the morning.

I was taken to my room, IV's started, numerous EKG's done, and settled in. I was a little on edge, and the nurse gave me some Adavan to help me "chill out". I felt that warm, relaxing feeling take over, and was able to stop the mind from racing.

(This section is mostly from Ken's report on what happened, as I don't really remember):
About 2 in the morning, I asked Ken to uncover my feet, as I was extremely hot, nauseous and agitated. He uncovered my feet then went to the hall to get the nurse. She and another nurse worked on me, called the cardiologist, who came back in, and also called in the doctor who does the heart caths. They consulted and decided I was headed to the cath lab, since the blood tests were showing that I was having another heart attack, this one much worse than the first. Ken described me looking "as he would imagine me to look if I was dead". The cath doctor went with Ken and I to the cath lab, explaining to Ken all of the risks and what could happen as I was being prepped. Then Ken was left alone in the waiting room....I can't even imagine how hard that had to be.

So, what I remember about the cath lab experience- someone saying that they were giving me some Versed (yeah!), the monitors in the room, someone shaving the area where they were going to cut, the nurse applying pressure when it was all done, and someone asking if I wanted a leg brace to remember not to move my leg.

Well, while that is not the end of the story, I shall stop here and post more later. This post is already too long, and I would be surprised if anyone gets this far.